i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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