You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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