i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
