Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
