Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
