Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize