I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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