I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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