Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
