I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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