also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
