I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize