I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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