remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
