i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
