do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
