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my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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