so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We left an ass print on the piano.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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