Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
