we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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