you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
