NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
