No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
