We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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