dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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