so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
