i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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