Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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