That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
