I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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