End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
