Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
