I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
