yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize