Buhtt sex?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
