The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
