i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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