I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
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