is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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