I got chris browned last night
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize