The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
