I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
