I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
you never un-have a 4some
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
