you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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