she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
