There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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