Hey man sorry I got all grabby
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize