dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
