The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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