remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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