ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
