Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
