Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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