Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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