conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
