The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
