I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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