i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
