The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
