His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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