I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just cut my nipple shaving
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
