32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
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