Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize