He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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