Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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