hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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