if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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