i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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