she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
