i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
