Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
