so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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