i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
