I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
