Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He did a backflip because drugs
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
