Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
