I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
