theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
