The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Randomize
