thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
