I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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