Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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