i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
