We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
