either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize
