I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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