I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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