Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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