This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
