I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
