everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize