Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
