Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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