New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
