I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
