Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
