If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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