I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
