whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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