I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
