Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
