shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
