Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I still have a little drunk in my system
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
