he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
is this the sara with the beer cane?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
