you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
