I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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