We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
