From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
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