I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize