..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
