I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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