I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
