once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
